Doubt
Doubt is defined as a state of uncertainty in the mind of a reality of a fact, of a truth of a spoken word, of the drive to accept it in a given situation. It is a feeling in which we have all experienced at least once, no matter how old we are. Doubt can occur in any kind of circumstance, including in decision-making and/or regarding our trust in someone or something. Doubt is the enemy of our faith. It questions the things concerning God since our walk with the Lord is based on the faith we place on him. Thus, doubt can become a barrier to our daily walk with Jesus.
To better explain this theme, let us look at Matthew 14 verse 22 to 33. In this passage, after having send back the crowd, Jesus sends his disciples to cross the body of water in the boat, as he withdraws to pray. He later returns back to the disciples by walking on water. The men become frightened, but Peter decides that, in order to prove that it is Jesus who is in the midst of the rough waves, he himself would also have to walk on the water by faith. At first, Peter walks with peace, but in verse 30, it says: But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" We see that Peter fixed his eyes upon Jesus to begin with -- he focused on the objective. However, as he looks away and focuses on the strong winds, the rough waves, he starts to become fearful -- to doubt. In verse 31, Jesus asks him a question: Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" Before doubting, Peter had broken the eye contact with Jesus by diverting his gaze.
This is how I perceive the situation: Peter represents each and every one of us when we try to keep our eyes on Jesus to stay connected to him and to know where to go. The wind symbolizes challenges and conflicts we have to face throughout our whole lives. We often look at the circumstances that surround us then doubt. We lose our faith in the process, which hinders us from clearly hearing God. It seems as though God has left us at that point, when in fact, he is still there. There is one thing we must remember: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28 NIV). No matter what issue we are dealing with, God is present and has the solutions to the problems. We just need to look at him instead of at the dire circumstances. Doubt can lead us in the direction of hitting rock bottom if we let it, because the more we give it space in our hearts, the more the sin will separate us from God.
When I was nineteen, I had lost a close friend to suicide. It was a shocking and painful news. It lead to depression for four months, and in this time, I asked myself where God was -- had he forgotten me? Why is he allowing me to go through such grief? And lastly, I asked: did he really exist? One evening during a meeting at a youth camp, as I was contemplating on commiting suicide myself, a word was spoken that touched my soul in such a profound way. I just knew God was speaking to me in that moment and in that place. I then realised that God loved me, that, yes, he does exist indeed. He did not abandon me and what I had planned to do in my life in that point in time, he had not planned out for me. I only had to tell him how I was feeling, to reestablish our connection, to gaze upon his face and from there, things would start to straighten out. The day of my friend’s death, I was aware that in cutting the connection I had with God, I was simply drowning out his voice from my heart. In focusing on the circumstance, I had lost sight of what was really important: Jesus. When we doubt, we may not realize how much God is present in our lives.
I cannot tell you that since this experience, I have never doubted again. There will always be some times where I doubt. Nonetheless, I have learned to give all things to God and to no longer focus on my negative circumstances. I believe that once I lay down my burdens at the feet of Jesus, they are no longer mine and that it is him who will take care of it all. Once they are laid down, there is nothing that seems impossible to overcome and doubt no longer has its place in your life as you control it.
I will leave you with this scripture: "Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them” (Mark 11:23 NIV).
Little Feet