My Story
I was born in a christian family. Since I was little, I went to church. I probably learned everything that there was to learn with my own intelligence. I certainly lived the faith of a child.
When I was really young, my parents got separated. In less than two years, this situation started to upset me.
I started to live a hypocritical life. I was praying falsely, going to church by obligation, habit and just to see my friends.
As I became a teenager, I started to make my life a series of “little lies”, in which I would lose myself in. Extreme hate and love, with no balance, hating my family; selfishness to the point of arrogance and questioning everything: my utility on earth, the reason of my being. I was constantly sad, to the point of developing suicidal thoughts to ease the pain.
I was hiding, masking myself behind a smiling facade, letting hypocrisy rule my heart because I did not want to be saved.
At 14, my mom sent me to a summer christian camp. The only reason that was pushing me to go was to see my cousins that I hadn’t seen in a long time. I knew that I was going to hear about God again, but I knew how to shut people out.
Over there, I discovered things that I was not expecting: a connected group, ties between teenagers that I had never known. I could feel as if they had something in them that I did not have. During an afternoon activity, we had to choose between two musical workshops: the first consisted of writing a rap or slam and the second in gospel. Since I didn't know any reason to praise God through gospel, I chose to write a song. It was once at the time of the workshop that I discovered that it was a question of writing a testimony of the action of God in my life. I will let you imagine my embarrassment!
So I chose to talk about what had happened to me since my childhood, and to invent all my conversion. And while I was preparing for the presentation, God spoke to me. I heard that voice, wondering if I didn't want to live everything I said. I stopped, I took a step back from my life. And I decided to accept this offer. Anyway, I had nothing to lose.
The wonderful thing is that a lot of things happened next, it would be complicated to explain them all in chronological order. However, here are the main points:
I realized that God loved me, that He had (and still has) a wonderful plan for my life.
I decided to truly follow Jesus, to do my best to obey Him, given the sacrifice He made for me.
I was transformed, filled with love and peace.
I got answers to all of my questions through the meetings we had and my Bible readings.
I understood in my heart what I had been taught in Sunday school for years.
When I got home, I kind of dropped what I had, wanting to live my own life. After an argument with my little sister, which had affected me a lot, I tried to apologize in a roundabout way, but ultimately it was mostly to God that I asked for forgiveness. I instantly felt that He had forgiven me, not only for this argument, for what I had been able to say to my sister, but for all that I had done before. It was then that I truly took a stand for Jesus, and chose that He would rule my life.
It took me a while to learn to forgive my parents, to forgive myself and to heal. Even today, there are ups and downs, I know that God does not abandon me. He gave me the Holy Spirit, which comforts me in my moments of pain, and when I am lost, I know that the answers are found with Him. His peace surpasses all my difficulties, His love is worth to me more than all the treasures of the earth, His joy is my real comfort.